My last post before the marathon!
My brain is pretty spaztastic when I run. I spend a lot of time “writing” multiple full blog posts in my head that will never see the light of day. Play out a lot of different conversations. And do math. Any kind of math that crosses my mind. I will try and figure out something, be it pace, distance, or other random crap that requires me to do math. Because I’m really bad at math. Thus, it occupies a lot of time in my brain. And this is considering I have run all my long runs with people! Now I’ll be running 26.2 miles solo (well, with 49,999 other runners, most of whom do not speak english) without chatter and idle talk…I can only imagine what’s going to go through my brain. I’m assuming a ton of curse words…
But on my shorter solo runs, I’m all over the place. Two weeks ago I tried to grab and remember the most prevalent thoughts that came across my head:
Alright, here we go. Get out the kinks.
Why do I always start uphill? Scotland is uphill both ways, I swear to God.
I have to drop my arms and shoulders.
I should bring a garbage bag and collect rubbish on my runs ala David Sedaris.
Why do I need such bad music to motivate my run?
Ow, that hurt.
I’m kinda hungry.
Crap, that actually hurt bad. Am I injured? Does it still hurt? It hurt when it happened but I don’t think it hurts anymore.
How am I going to carry all this food with me during the marathon?
E better figure out where he’s going to be standing with Gatorade for me.
Drop my arms and shoulders.
Glide, glide, this is easy.
There must be something I can take to make this easier?
If I cant just do this and get through Paris… and then I can figure out NYC marathon after.
Oh this is my Jam.
I mean really, there’s got to be some drug. Maybe cocaine? Maybe I should try cocaine before the marathon?
I really should have lost weight before I pursued this. Next time. Next time I’ll lose weight first.
There is SO much horse shit on these trails.
I’m so hungry.
God, I hope I don’t have to pee.
I wonder if I will ever be able to run again without pain?
Maybe coke’s a bad idea. Speed might be better. It is called speed afterall. Why didn’t everyone think of this? I’ll just take a bunch of speed before the marathon. That should be easy.
I look like such a douche with all this Lululemon on.
Good thing only 5% of the population has ever heard of Lululemon here.
Why won’t this mile enddddddd.
Marathon training would be better if Scotland had Dairy Queen.
Crap, I need to order more mole skin for these blisters.
Seriously, Paris can NOT be as hilly as Scotland.
UGGGGH, I HATE GETTING PASSED.
Real impressive passing me dude. Oh you’re running 5 miles. I ran 15 yesterday asshole!
Why did I sign up for this torture?
I’m totally going to wear my medal the whole day and the flight home the next day. I don’t care if that’s uber American.
I effin’ hate this hill.
I eat hills for lunch. Go big booty, go!
Man, finishing a marathon is going to be freaking awesome.
I’m going to cry embarrassing amounts.
I should rent Chariots of Fire to get me motivated.
I should figure out some damn good mantras to get me through this shit.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why does every run feel equally hard? When does this get easy?
I need a nap.
I can’t effin move over any more jackass!
Children can run so fast and care free…what happens to adults?
If I was badass I’d totally wear tiny shorts and compression socks.
And write mantras…mantras all over my body.
Seriously, I just need to finish this marathon. It will all be worth it.
But maybe I should look into the speed thing….